She had developed a constant fear she was being watched and surveilled. It was very much the frog in the boiling pot scenario,” Lisa says. In her mind, Lisa had attributed the everyday control and coercion as ‘regular’ relationship problems, but slowly she found her self-esteem crumbling into self-doubt and constant worry. 'Anytime I stood up to his abuse, he would go online to punish me.' But at the same time, a lot of clarity came with this discovery.” There was so much confusion he caused that I just didn’t trust my own judgement. “I felt like I was a human body, but I was erased,” Lisa says. She leaned against the chair for support. She cradled her daughter to her chest and her head swum with dizziness. The messages Lisa found on Adult Match Maker were graphic, detailing sexual encounters and explicit acts. “I rationalised it to myself, that surely he is a respected and senior member of the police force, he won’t do anything stupid with the photo,” Lisa says.

Instead, she silently prayed the photo would remain private and there weren’t others he had taken of her without her knowing. While horrified, at the time Lisa did not question him. Lisa’s heart froze as she recalled the moment a few months prior when Bob had grabbed a phone and taken a picture of them midway through sex. 'I felt like I was a human body, but I was erased.' Bob had shared explicit pictures and messages with both men and women, including a picture of Lisa and Bob having sex, their faces obscured. She found a fake profile on using her identity. Using her free right hand she clicked on the tab to expand it. But her eyes came to rest upon the words “adultmatch…” What she found on the website jolted her awake. It was late and her eyes were heavy and tired, her arms aching from the weight of her sleeping daughter. One night while breastfeeding her daughter in May 2011, Lisa chanced upon a minimised tab on the computer in the study of her home. They had two children in quick succession. Lisa was also reassured by the fact that her new partner was a police officer – someone whose job it was to uphold the law.īob and Lisa became an item and decided to move in together the following year. Bob came across as genial and respectful and assured her he was a feminist.Īs a long-term bachelor, Bob told Lisa he knew his way around the house. After sharing messages online, she agreed to go out with him. Like many modern women, Lisa* met Bob* on an online dating site. The online abuse she suffered has left her traumatised to this day. Lisa’s world was shattered when she made a horrifying discovery on the family computer one night in her study.

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